Monday, July 30, 2007


When someone like Oprah says that money can not buy you happiness I want to kick her in the teeth.

In a strictly literal sense she is correct. Money can not buy happiness. There is no “Happiness –R- Us” in my mall. No “Happy Outlet”. No “Happy by Design” store in my neighborhood. Not even an infomercial.

But I guarantee that if she had to choose between being unhappy with her ocean liners full of money, or happy with my, uh, very small mug of money, she’d continue to suffer through with the fleet.

I just know that more money would make me very much happier right now. Not with my kids. They make me deliriously happy and they are pretty cheap. No worries there. But it would make me happier with my husband, my house and my life.It would make me happier with my husband because he shares the burden of living paycheck to paycheck with me. He and I are on the same team, but it’s like we are on a big losing streak and we keep looking at each other saying “Do something. Fix it. We can’t keep living like this. We need a pinch-hitter! We need new uniforms! We need new tires on the team van! We need something to sit on in the dugout. We need to fertilize the outfield. And weed the infield. And the players are growing out of their shoes. And the coach needs new bras, again!”

It would make me happier with my house because despite its relative newness, all I seem to see in it are things I want to change, paint, decorate or replace. I know. I have bitched about the sofa from hell before. I won’t go on. But I just know that life would be much happier if I could ponder life’s little mysteries from a red leather sofa in a room with real window treatments and coordinating love seat and end tables, rather than sitting on a 20 year old sofa that creaks and groans, and has enough infant and bovine DNA seeped into its cushions to begin my own Clone Farm.

And I know it would make me happier with my life because life is not supposed to be about worrying this much. It is not supposed to be about juggling bills all month and constantly waiting for the ship to come in. (Oprah apparently has all the damn ships, including mine). It is not supposed to be about working this hard, and still having to use coupons and make do. It is not supposed to be about crying when I watch the news because there is so much need out there and we can’t squeeze another nickel out of our budget to DO anything about it. It is not about always being afraid of the next shoe dropping.

Things that money can buy that would make me very, very happy right now:New shoes, Coco Mademoiselle perfume, Half of the latest “Silhouettes” catalogue, new tires for the mini-van, about $4000 in landscaping, a few credit cards paid off, living and master bedroom furniture, this vacuum, an exercise bike, a little vacation, a nest egg. A real date with my husband, including a really nice dinner with wine, a movie, and coffee after. I dont want one of Oprah's ocean liners, but a little ride in the dinghy would be nice.

What happiness could money buy you right now?

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