Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Analyze This, The DIY version

I have never been in therapy, or seen a counselor or a person of any medical background for anything other than a physical ailment. It is not that I do not value the science of psychiatry, or the miracle of better living through chemistry. I applaud them. I embrace them. If there was a parade, I would decorate the floats and throw candy and necklaces to the crowds.

I have just always sort of waited things out until they got better. Or until they were just not part of my life anymore. I do not recommend this strategy, nor do I think I am a better or stronger person because I did it. There is just a part of me that always diminishes my problems and says that they are not nearly as bad or as painful as so-and-so’s problems so I just need to grin and get through it.

But I am very good at listing them, and giving my own dime-store analysis of what causes them. And sometimes, like this week, when my hormones are raging, and my energy is low and my “La, La, La” feeling is gone, I wonder if my DIY approach to my mental health is lacking. I am not in denial of my issues. I guess I am just in denial that they are important enough to go see someone to fix them.

So here, my lovelies, is my list of Issues, including some background and foreground. Care to analyze me? Is it enough to warrant me my own Dr. Melfi? Or are these run of the mill grievances, and do I just need to grin and get through?

OR, contribute to the delinquency of my DIY self, and give me your DIY self-help recommendations. I promise if I try them , you will be the first to know.

1 – I use food as comfort. It is an affordable indulgence when I am feeling financially low, and it “nurtures” me when I feel like all I do all day is nurture others.

2 – I have unresolved issues with how my mother made me feel about my weight when I was growing up. I wish I had been able to stand up to her about it when it was a 25 lb issue, instead of “I’ll show her!” ing up to being a 100+ lb issue for me. Yup, I really showed her. (((Sigh))).

Edited to add - Ok, as soon as I sent this, I knew it made my otherwise wonderful mother look bad. I know she was projecting all of her own weight issues on me because she didnt want me to struggle as she did, (does) with her weight. My mother is one of my favorite people in the whole world, and despite my tendency to blame, she is also not holding a gun to my head forcing me to continue eating. I am a big girl, I am responsible for my own weight now.

OMG, was that denial, wrapped up in enabling, with a twist of self-victimization? I dont care, my Mom rocks.

3 – I know I am smart and strong enough to be anything I want to be, but I am afraid of success and I don’t know why.

4 – I spend so much time taking care of others and making others feel good, that I don’t know what I want for me anymore. I don’t know what would make me feel better, and if I did know, I would not know how to ask for it.

Fire away. The couch is open. Just don't have me committed until I finish the laundry and find out about the interview...

6 comments:

Tessie said...

Oh, man, I don't know anyone who DOESN'T do these things at least sometimes.

I understand your "suck-it-up" mentality perfectly. In my fine Midwestern tradition, complaining is Strictly Verboten. Or else you have to hear about how Uncle Oscar has your same problems, except he also has NO ARMS SO HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?

AndreAnna said...

1) A lot of people do. It's an easy way to fill a void, and when the world had made it so affordable, how can we deny ourselved feeling "full"?

2) It's never too late to stand up for yourself. You're never too old to start fresh or wipe the slate clean. Maybe you should focus on showing yourself what you can do instead of your mother, and change the perspective.

3) Success is scary. If we reach our goals, then what? If we become what we think we want, then what? What is left of us without hopes and aspirations? You just have to have the confidence and self-worth to know that once you've reached success that there will be another rung on the ladder, another goal to achieve. And that, yes, you are worth it. (Insert Stuart Smalley reference here).

4) That is our bane as women and mothers. Sometimes, you need to take a step back to remember who you are. Because if you lose yourself and your identity in raising your children, you are doing your children a disservice. You are letting them think that in order to be a good mommy, to be great at something, you must sacrifice who you are. That is not true. And once you figure out that you deserve your "self" you will see that confidence filtering down to your family.

Ok, Freud out. ;)

Michele said...

Less than an hour after I spoted, and already you are amazing me with your feedback.

AndreFreud, you sound like you get paid for this. Well done.

And Tessie, "Uncle Oscar has your same problems, except he also has NO ARMS SO HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?" made me laugh so hard, I may be cured.

BetteJo said...

I'm convinced food is the devil. Period, end of story.

And mothers from another era just didn't realize how harmful their "help" really was. Sigh-h-h.

Time for some dark chocolate M&Ms!

Liza said...

No good analysis or assvice here, but tea and empathy. Most of us have been there too. Good luck!

Shelly said...

I completely agree with AndreFreud - she gave some great advice.

And bettejo may be on to something - the best tasting foods will make us fat and the worst tasting foods are healthy. Food may be the devil.