Monday, September 10, 2007

Big Orange Box

Say what you will about Home Depot, but don’t say it to me.

Friday night we took the kids for ice cream and afterwards had to stop at the Depot to exchange something. When we got there, none of the cool race car carts were available so we had to do the “Hold Hands or we go back in the car!” thing*.

We aren’t at a good hand holding stage right now. When we hit a big store with wide aisles and lots of sharp edges and potential climbing hazards, my normally well mannered kids develop death wishes. One kid throws his body on the ground wailing and thrashing as if his hand is being broken, in a rather George-Costanza-esque attempt to break free. The other is able to wiggle out of even my python grip and then takes off at top speed, maniacally laughing at the folly of his parents in hot pursuit.

Kids dirty from a hot day of play at daycare, and now liberally spattered with chocolate ice cream. Husband and I ragged and rumpled from the work week, both of us trying to control the boys without causing a scene. We are a Judgmental Sanctimommy’s critical blog post waiting to happen.

Husband has to run to the back of the store for the replacement thingy he is exchanging. I am stuck there, doing the whirl-a-mom thing with a kid on each hand, and I am just about ready to page Security to the customer service desk with a taser, when an angel in an orange apron appears.

“Look at these gorgeous children! Are they twins? Do they like stickers?”

My whirling dervishes know the word “Sticker” and immediately stop flailing and turn the charm on for Angel Orange. She asks me if she can give them a sticker and I, in awe of her calm-inducing powers, nod humbly. We start to follow her when J sees Mickey Mouse. They sell Disney paint and J saw Mickey’s head looking above the paint department. Seeing his excitement, she re-routes us to Paint. Mickey Mouse stickers for all!

Then she asks me if they can have aprons. Uh, OK And she whisks us off to the “Education Center” where they get their own miniature orange aprons, and kits to build their own tool boxes. My kids each give Angel Orange a big hug and a high 5, and she tells me to bring them back to see her anytime. By this time husband has returned and my kids have been mollified into smiley, calm little Home Depot employees, who willingly hold hands and sing ABC’s on the way back to the car.

What do they put in those stickers, and can I get a case of it?

* Staying in the car while husband ran in? Not an option. He gets distracted by all of the shiny tools and has to be thrown out by security so they can lock up.


Shelly said...

When you find out what they put in the stickers, please ship me a case of them, too.

BetteJo said...

That's what is called real customer service - going out of their way to make your visit to their store pleasant! Or - keeping their customers from committing suicide in the plumbing aisle, but either way! You'll go back!

a happier girl said...

Wow. My husband drags us to Home Depot pretty regularly and we've never once gotten offered cute little aprons. That sounds like a very nice Depot. I've found good success keeping my 3 year old occupied letting her sit on riding lawn mowers though.

AndreAnna said...

If you find out what's in those stickers, can I have one for my husband?

Justice Fergie said...

Umm, WHERE do you live?? 'Cuz i can assure you that our Home Depot doesn't have an education center! if it did, it would make our "quick" trips so-that-daddy-can-get-the-replacement-part-for-the-toilet(again) much more bearable.

Not a Granny said...

My hubby buys cars when he goes to Home Depot...

But yeah, the Education Center is great! We take Grandkid #1!