Thursday, November 15, 2007

More evidence to the contrary

So my birthday was Tuesday. It was fine. I got lots of cards and phone calls. I got some nice gifts from my sister and my parents and my friend Jackie. I got two gorgeous cards from my husband, plus the insistence that I schedule myself a massage and buy myself some "really good" new shoes. On him. All good. We also had cake four nights in a row. Cake. Four nights in a row. Yippee!

But birthdays end. And yesterday, the day after my birthday, I had a kah-rappy day. Here is a highlight from getting the kids out the door that morning - I got so angry and frustrated from the chasing, yelling, repeating, cajoling and re-dressing of my two sons, that I broke a wooden spoon. I just grabbed it and smacked it on the counter and broke it right in half. And I can tell myself that it was better than screaming (which I do) and much better than hitting (which I don't) but the fact is it freaked my kids out. So once the spoon pieces were retrieved and hidden deep in the trash, I had some damage control to do with the boys. I got on my knees and hugged them and told them that I was sorry if I had scared them, that Mommy was really mad and had a headache and it made me so angry that I broke the spoon. And it was wrong to break something just because I was mad and that I would not do it again. And I showed them that we had more wooden spoons. Since for whatever reason E seemed more concerned about the loss of a spoon than the loss of his mother's mind.

I can handle teething, and poop, and fevers and stomach viruses and rectal thermometers. But I hate this part of parenting. The part that has to suck up all of the mind-numbing repetitive stuff and toddler tantrum extremes and continue being sweet and respectful and kind and uplifting when what I really want to do is break things and run screaming from the house to find a boat on which to sail far, far away.

I would still miss them. The little $%^&'s. And they know this. My kids are wonderful, sweet and delicious little boys that bring me such great joy. They love me with a love that is so pure and boundless. I am not worthy. But I am trying to be.

By the way, it was my 40th birthday.

5 comments:

K said...

Happy 40th!

Here's hoping for more weeks of cake...and less days of the mind-numbing parts of parenting...

Binky said...

Ugh. That's not the kind of birthday morning-after one hopes for. But you are definitely not alone in the desire to want to break things and run sometimes. Here's hoping your fortieth year is filled with more of those joyful moments than the tantrum filled ones.

MrsGrumpy said...

Happy birthday and my wish for you is many, many years filled with happiness.

The Phoenix & The Harley said...

Thank you for the insight into having kids and happy birthday!

Girl said...

Hoppy birfday, dude.